Don Rickles’ Most Iconic Insult Jokes

The Legacy of Don Rickles

Don Rickles, the icon of insult comedy, is known for his sharp wit and fearless humor. He made a career out of picking on everyone, from celebrities to regular folks, and doing it with a charm that made him universally loved.

His style of comedy was bold and unapologetic, and today, we’re diving into some of Don Rickles’ most iconic insult jokes. These jokes may be harsh, but they were delivered with a wink and a nod, embodying Rickles’ unique comedic spirit.

Classic Rickles: His Sharpest Jabs

Rickles’ ability to roast without remorse was unparalleled. His jokes might be stinging, but they were always crafted with perfect timing and delivery.

• “What’s your story? I could watch you for hours and not be bored. Yawn.”
• “Why do we always come back to you? I guess it’s because you look like a before photo.”
• “Hey pal, don’t forget your heritage. You’re a lousy human being!”
• “You’re my favorite guy in the world – next to a dead guy in a chair.”

Roasting Celebrities with Class

Rickles had a unique talent: he could roast celebrities without truly offending them. Even the biggest stars were not safe from his jab.

• To Frank Sinatra: “Frank, you are known everywhere. In Vegas, they put your name on the bottom of the dice.”
• To Johnny Carson: “Johnny, that’s a great suit. It looks like you borrowed it from a waiter in Aspen.”
• To Dean Martin: “Dean, you are the only man who has ever made drinking a career.”
• To Ronald Reagan: “Ronnie, you’re the only man who’d take the stand and say, ‘I swear to tell the whole truth… but can I get back to you on that one?’”

The Impact of His Comedy on Family Gatherings

If you’ve ever experienced a Rickles joke, you might remember how it brought people together, despite the insults. His humor transcended the offense and became a staple at family gatherings.

• “You remind me of a long story. Shorten it.”
• “Keep talking, you’ll get it right someday.”
• “You’re a legend in your own lunchbox.”
• “Can someone get this guy a subscription to a personality?”

Incorporating Rickles’ Insult Humor in Modern Comedy

Modern comedians often draw inspiration from Don Rickles’ fearless comedy style. His genius lay in saying what everyone was thinking but didn’t dare to say.

• “You’re so sharp, you could open a soup can with your personality.”
• “Listen, you’re charming. Too bad it’s in the same way cellophane is.”
• “If we could see you more often, I’d invest in curtains.”
• “You’re like a cigarette: smoking, but oh so dangerous.”

Rickles and the Art of the Comeback

What made Rickles a king of comedy was his quick wit and ability to respond to hecklers with light-speed accuracy. Here are some of his best responses:

• Heckler: “You’re not funny!” Rickles: “I know, but you know what’s really funny? You coming here thinking someone cares about your opinion.”
• Heckler: “This routine is getting old.” Rickles: “Like you, but let’s focus on what’s still working here.”
• Heckler: “Get off the stage.” Rickles: “Sure, but unfortunately, you’ll still be you when I do.”
• Heckler: “Boo!” Rickles: “Don’t boo me, boo your decision-making skills for coming here.”

How Rickles Influenced Comedic Styles

Several comedians today cite Rickles as a major influence, replicating his style of ‘equal opportunity’ insults, where no one is too high or too low to escape his comedic barbs.

• “The funniest thing about you is that you consider yourself a thinker.”
• “I didn’t know mannequins could speak. Hats off to you!”
• “Mirror, mirror on the wall, remind me why I bother talking to you at all?”
• “Your intelligence is like a universal remote: not always reliable, and usually outdated.”

Rickles’ Take on Everyday Situations

What made Rickles even more relatable was his humor about everyday situations. Here are some gems:

• “You must be a magician, turning every situation from fun to frustrating.”
• “Shopping with you is like navigating a labyrinth. Only less fun.”
• “Dealing with you is like dealing with a box of chocolates: always disappointing.”
• “You could turn a celebration into a study in misery.”

Rickles’ Legacy Lives On

The world of comedy owes much to Don Rickles. His legacy continually influences modern comedians who strive to blend sharp wit with the warmth that Rickles brought to his performances.

• “People love you almost as much as they love taking out the trash.”
• “You could charm a snake, but not with that suit.”
• “One day, you’ll make a marvelous still life painting.”
• “You know what rhymes with your name? Nothing good.”

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Wrapping Up the Fun

Rickles may have left us, but his humor remains timeless. Dive into more of these jokes and find the humor in everything, just like Don did.

• “Your smile could light up a room, if it were powered by disappointment.”
• “If I threw a stick, you’d bring it right back. So predictable!”
• “Every time we talk, I gain a whole new appreciation for silence.”
• “You’re one in a million. Now we just need the other 999,999 for a complete set.”

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Memorable Rickles Moments on TV

Don Rickles left unforgettable marks on various television shows, where he delivered some of his most memorable insult jokes.

• On Johnny Carson: “Johnny, what a host. You have all the charisma of a paper cup.”
• On The Dean Martin Show: “Dean, you make alcoholics look like high achievers.”
• On Hollywood Squares: “I’m in the center square because everyone else needed protection.”
• On The Tonight Show: “Doc Severinsen’s band played at my wedding. In fact, they were the wedding.”

Rickles’ Impact on Social Gatherings

Don Rickles didn’t just shine in front of the camera; he was also the life of social gatherings. People would gather around to hear his quick-witted insults.

• “You’re the reason they invented the ‘mute’ button on remote controls.”
• “I’ve seen better heads on a mug of root beer.”
• “When you walk into a room, the wallpaper starts peeling.”
• “You should be in public relations – as the cautionary tale.”

How Rickles Made Fun of Himself

Rickles didn’t just dish it out, he could take it too. He often made himself the butt of the joke as well.

• “You think I’m mad? I’m married. That’s the ultimate roast.”
• “Even my shadow leaves me when I’m on stage.”
• “I get paid to be funny. You do it for free, that’s sad.”
• “I once asked my wife if she married me for my looks. She laughed, of course I don’t have any money.”

Rickles’ Humor at Award Shows

Rickles was often invited to award shows to deliver his iconic insults. Here are some gems:

• “To the Oscars’ host: ‘You’re like a carton of milk – best before today.'”
• “At the Emmys: ‘Your acting is like yoga. Not everyone is convinced, but it’s nice to watch.’
• “To a director: ‘You’re more inspiring off-screen. Like, really far off-screen.’
• “At a comedy night: ‘You’re so funny, I almost wish you weren’t a dentist.'”

Rickles and Entertaining the Troops

Don Rickles also spent time entertaining the troops. His jokes were a way to bring a smile even in difficult times.

• “To a soldier: ‘With that haircut, you must be the bravest man alive.’
• “‘You guys have seen tougher situations. Like my last movie.’
• “‘War is hell. Almost as bad as one of my shows.’
• “‘If you can dodge a bullet, you can dodge one of my jokes.’

Rickles and the Art of the Celebrity Roast

Rickles was the master of the celebrity roast. His humor was biting, yet affectionate.

• At the roast of a famous actor: “You’re everything I aspire to be. If I aspired to be unbearable.”
• At the roast of a musician: “You play music like I play the lottery. With little success and lots of hope.”
• At the roast of a sportsperson: “You make running look easy. Easier than your acting career, at least.”
• At the roast of a comedian: “You’re proof that practice doesn’t always make perfect.”

Rickles’ Remarks About Technology

Even modern technology wasn’t safe from Rickles’ jabs. He had a knack for making tech jokes relatable.

• “You need a GPS just to navigate your thoughts.”
• “Your phone is smarter than you, and that’s saying something.”
• “You surf the internet like my grandma surfs waves. Painfully.”
• “If I called you a computer virus, it would be an upgrade.”

Rickles in Film and Television

Don Rickles’ roles in film and television allowed him to bring his unique humor to a broader audience. Some memorable lines include:

• In Toy Story: “Hey, look, I’m Picasso!”
• In Casino: “Why don’t you take a tip from a ballerina and keep on your toes.”
• In Kelly’s Heroes: “I thought you said I could rest. Not on your watch, huh?”
• On CPO Sharkey: “You run this place with the precision of a broken watch.”

Rickles’ Commentary on Generational Gaps

Don Rickles often poked fun at the differences between generations, making light of how youth and age clash.

• “You millennials think you invented everything. I’ve got news for you: you did not invent being annoying.”
• “Talking to you is like talking to a voice assistant. Only less useful.”
• “You think you’re hot stuff because you can text. Try reading a book sometime.”
• “In my day, we greeted people in person. You wouldn’t survive five minutes.”

Rickles’ Wit on Politics

Politics were never off-limits for Rickles, who had a knack for making sharp observations on the political scene.

• “Politics are like a bad comedian – loud and never quite funny.”
• “You say you’re a public servant. I say the public deserves better service.”
• “I’ve seen puppets with more independence than some politicians.”
• “They say politicians need thick skin. Yours is more like Teflon, nothing sticks.”

Rickles’ Musings on Everyday Life

Rickles had a unique way of making everyday situations hilariously absurd. Here are a few of his everyday jabs:

• “You call this driving? More like a practice run for demolition derby.”
• “Shopping with you is a workout. Mostly for my patience.”
• “With your cooking skills, takeout is always a safer bet.”
• “You must have a black belt in verbal clutter. Congrats!”

Rickles’ Hilarious Holiday Jokes

Even holidays weren’t safe from Rickles’ humor. He managed to keep the festive spirit while delivering his trademark jabs.

• “You’re like a holiday fruitcake. Dense and unwanted.”
• “I prefer my trees green, not like your artificial personality.”
• “You think you decorate well? Your place looks like a discount store threw up.”
• “Your holiday parties could be used as a form of social punishment.”

Rickles’ Role in Animated Classics

Rickles also lent his voice to animated classics, bringing his unique brand of humor to a younger audience.

• As Mr. Potato Head in Toy Story: “What are you looking at, you hockey puck?”
• In Toy Story 2: “Prepare to meet Mr. Angry Eyes!”
• In Toy Story 3: “Hey look! I’m Picasso!”
• As Mr. Potato Head in Toy Story 4: “Being broken isn’t what it’s cracked up to be.”

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Rickles’ Take on Fashion

Rickles didn’t hold back when commenting on fashion. His quips were both funny and oddly insightful.

• “You call that fashion? I’ve seen better outfits on scarecrows.”
• “At least you’re trying. Too bad the clothes are winning.”
• “That suit, more like a lawsuit waiting to happen.”
• “You’re dressed to impress, but whom, I’m not sure.”

Rickles’ Thoughts on Modern Trends

Even modern trends weren’t safe from Rickles’ sharp tongue. He had a way of cutting through the hype to deliver hilarious insights.

• “You call that a selfie? More like a cry for help.”
• “Your social media posts are social napalm.”
• “Trendsetter? More like trend forgetter.”
• “You follow trends like a lost puppy. Maybe try leading for a change.”

Rickles at Red Carpet Events

Rickles also left his mark on the red carpet with his unforgettable quips aimed at celebs and their outfits.

• “That dress? I’ve seen better material in my cozy blanket.”
• “Nice tux, did the waiter let you borrow it?”
• “You’re like a Christmas tree, decked out with no place to go.”
• “You’re sparkling! Too bad it’s not from personality.”

Rickles’ Family-Friendly Humor

While much of Rickles’ humor targeted adults, he also knew how to deliver family-friendly jokes that everyone could enjoy.

• “You kids today with your gadgets. We had sticks and were happier!”
• “My grandkid showed me their game. It’s called ‘Ignoring Grandpa’.”
• “Your grades are like my old Pinto, always in the red.”
• “Trying to connect with your teenager? Good luck, I used pictures.”

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Reflecting on Rickles’ Influence

Don Rickles’ humor influenced a wide range of comedians, showing that you can roast someone and still be universally loved.

• “Your comedy style, if it were any dryer, it would be toast.”
• “You call that a punchline? More like a gentle nudge.”
• “You’re so bad, you make me look good, and trust me, that’s a feat.”
• “Is this an act? Because I could get better laughs listening to dial-up internet.”