Martin Lawrence’s Best Stand-Up Jokes
Updated July 10, 2024 at 5:39 pm
Dive into Martin Lawrence’s comedic genius with a collection of his most memorable and hilarious stand-up jokes, showcasing why he’s one of the greatest comedians of our time.
Breaking Down the Early Years: Jokes from Martin Lawrence’s Iconic Routines
Martin Lawrence, the comedic genius, has been making audiences laugh for decades with his unique style and sharp wit.
In his early years, Lawrence’s routines were filled with hilarious observations about everyday life, relationships, and his own experiences.
Let’s dive into some of the best jokes from his iconic stand-up shows.
- “Cooking and eating chicken. You ever watch black people cook chicken? We know how to cook chicken. We make it our own!”
- “You can always tell the broke people at the club. They the ones talking about, ‘I bought you a drink, so you owe me a dance.’”
- “My mama’s so religious, she used to pray over the stove when she cooked. She’d be like, ‘Lord Jesus, take away all these calories!’”
- “You ever notice how when you in a hurry, everybody else be movin’ slow? It’s like they in slow motion just to piss you off.”
- “Relationships are tough, man. You ever notice how women remember every little thing? They got memories like elephants. They never forget.”
- “You ever been so broke that you gotta put water in your cereal? That’s when you know it’s rough.”
- “I used to be a security guard. Not a good one though. I’d be like, ‘Hey, stop! … Or at least slow down!’”
- “You ever go to a black family reunion? Man, you meet cousins you’ve never seen before in your life. Everyone’s a cousin.”
Lawrence’s early jokes often touched on universal themes, which made them relatable and timeless.
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Classics from the ’90s: Memorable Jokes from Lawrence’s Prime
Martin Lawrence truly hit his stride in the ’90s, delivering some of his most memorable and laugh-out-loud funny stand-up performances.
These routines have become classics in the comedy world, filled with jokes that are still quoted today.
- “I remember when I first smelled weed. I thought the house was on fire! I was scared.”
- “You ever see the way men put on ChapStick? It’s like we afraid it’s gonna make us look feminine. We dab it on so quick, like we brushing off a bug.”
- “Going to the club, man. Black people don’t show up until 2 AM. We always on CPT – Colored People Time.”
- “Women, y’all complicated. You got like 14 shampoos in the shower. Men just got soap, shampoo and toothpaste. We can wash everything with one bar of soap if we have to.”
- “You know what I love about black families? We don’t have no problem telling the truth. Somebody could be hurt, and we like, ‘I told you not to do that, dummy.'”!
- “Yo, you ever realize that the dudes at the gym be grunting like they lifting the world? Calm down, it’s just 10 pounds!”
- “I love my car, man. But why is it when you clean your car, a bird decides to make it their bathroom?”
- “Have you ever seen how kids lie to get out of trouble? They got the most innocent faces. They’d be like, ‘I didn’t do it. It was the cat!’”
One of the funniest bits from his ’90s routines revolves around relationships and break-ups.
He once joked, “You know you’re in trouble when your lady’s first words are ‘We need to talk.’ Ain’t no ‘we’ in that talk. It’s just her telling you what you did wrong!”
Relationships remain a treasure trove of comedic material for Lawrence.
If you enjoy jokes about relationships and need more family-friendly humor, you might also like some light-hearted Rizz jokes.
More Gems from Martin Lawrence’s Peak Comedy Performances
In the peak of his career, Martin Lawrence’s stand-up routines continued to evolve, showcasing his ability to turn ordinary scenarios into hilarious moments.
His flawless delivery and sharp observations made these jokes unforgettable.
- “You ever been so tired that when you get home you just take off your pants and leave them wherever they fall? That’s how you know a good day from a bad one!”
- “Growing up, my mom used to say, ‘Wait till your dad gets home.’ But I was already planning my escape route.”
- “L.A. is different, man. You get pulled over here and you might get a ticket for just having an attitude.”
- “Ever notice how kids ask the most random questions? ‘Why is the sky blue?’ I don’t know, go ask Google.”
- “In relationships, the silent treatment is the worst. You ever have to guess what you did wrong? It’s like being on a game show where the prize is your sanity.”
- “When you go to the gym, you ever see that one guy who never sweats? What’s his secret? Maybe he’s just there for the free WiFi.”
- “Airports are crazy. You pay for the ticket, pay for the baggage, then they look at you funny when you want a free snack.”
- “Ever have your phone fall on your face while you’re in bed? That’s your phone saying, ‘Time to put me down.'”!
One of his standout jokes from this period is about how people try to act tough when they’re scared.
He joked, “You know that moment when you hear a noise in the house at night? You pretend to be asleep, hoping the noise goes away. But it never does.”
These are the kinds of scenarios that people instantly relate to, showing Lawrence’s comedic genius.
If you’re a fan of laughter that comes from everyday situations, you might also enjoy some amusing knock-knock jokes that are sure to bring a smile.
Life’s Little Quirks: Observational Humor at Its Best
Martin Lawrence has a knack for turning life’s little quirks into sidesplitting humor.
His observational humor is spot-on and always manages to get the audience roaring with laughter.
- “You ever been on a bad date? You start checking your phone like it’s got the answer to your problems.”
- “When did it become okay for people to wear pajamas in public? I feel like I missed the memo.”
- “My neighbor’s dog barks at everything. I think it sees ghosts or maybe just has a lot to say.”
- “Have you ever noticed how people get really brave when they’re behind a computer screen? Keyboard warriors, I tell you.”
- “Supermarkets are a test of patience. You go in for one thing and end up with a cart full of stuff you don’t need.”
- “If you ever want to see real chaos, just tell kids they can’t have candy before dinner. It’s like setting off a fire alarm.”
- “Why do people insist on calling when they can just text? Save us both the awkward silence and just text your question.”
- “When you’re driving and someone cuts you off, you become an instant expert in sign language.”
One of the funniest moments in Lawrence’s observational humor is when he talks about going to the dentist.
He joked, “You ever notice how dentists try to have a conversation with you? How am I supposed to respond with all these tools in my mouth?”!
This joke is a perfect example of how he takes everyday experiences and shares them in a way that everyone can laugh at.
If you enjoy jokes that look at life’s little quirks, you might also find a collection of silly animal jokes equally amusing.
Find Humor in the Struggles: Jokes About Adulthood
Martin Lawrence often delves into the struggles of adulthood, managing to find humor in everyday challenges.
His jokes about dealing with responsibilities and adult life are a hit, as they’re so relatable.
- “Bills, bills, bills. They never stop coming. You pay one, and three more show up, like uninvited guests at a party.”
- “You ever notice how weekends feel shorter than weekdays? Someone should investigate this phenomenon.”
- “Why is it that we never have time to do the things we love, but always find time to complain about it?”
- “Household chores are like a never-ending cycle. You finish cleaning, then it’s time to start all over again.”
- “Going grocery shopping with a list is the adult version of a scavenger hunt.”
- “Birthday parties as an adult are different. Nobody jumps out of cakes anymore; we jump at the chance to leave early.”
- “Tax season is like playing Russian roulette. You hope you come out alive with something left in your bank account.”
- “Remember when you were a kid and you couldn’t wait to grow up? Joke’s on you, adulthood is overrated!”
In one of his jokes, Lawrence hilariously captures the essence of adulthood when he says, “Being an adult is like folding a fitted sheet. Nobody really knows how to do it right.”
This joke nails the common frustrations of adult life, making it easily one of his most memorable one-liners.
For those who love relatable humor about life’s challenges, there’s also a great selection of classic road-crossing jokes that offer a light-hearted take.
Touching on Social Issues: Jokes with a Message
Martin Lawrence doesn’t shy away from social issues, often weaving them into his comedy with a message.
His jokes are insightful and still manage to bring laughter, even when discussing serious topics.
- “You ever notice how people judge you based on what you wear? One day I’ll wear a tuxedo just to buy groceries and see what happens.”
- “Racism is a lot like a bad habit. It’s hard to break and everyone’s in denial about having it.”
- “Healthcare is a real issue. You go to the doctor with a cold and leave with a bill that gives you chills.”
- “The news is depressing. You watch it and feel like you need a hug after. Someone needs to make a channel for positive news updates.”
- “Even in 2021, people still don’t know how to park. You see cars parked sideways, upside down – it’s like a circus out there.”
- “Internet trolls need to get a real job. Imagine having to explain your trolling experience in a job interview.”
- “You ever see people arguing on social media? It’s like watching a train wreck in slow motion; you can’t look away.”
- “People love their pets more than their neighbors. You ever see someone carry their dog to the vet and ignore a neighbor in distress?”
One of Lawrence’s standout jokes that touches on social issues is about healthcare in America.
He said, “Going to the hospital, you gotta decide if the pain’s worth the bill. Sometimes you think, ‘I can live with this broken leg, no worries!'”
This joke strikes a chord with many, as it turns a serious issue into a moment of shared laughter and understanding.
If you’re interested in more jokes that tackle serious issues humorously, you might enjoy this collection of wholesome school jokes.
Anecdotes from Hollywood: Jokes About the Entertainment Industry
Martin Lawrence often draws inspiration from his experiences in Hollywood, offering hilarious takes on the entertainment industry.
His jokes provide an insider’s perspective while keeping the laughter flowing.
- “Hollywood is strange. One day you’re a star, the next day you’re wondering if Netflix will pick up your show.”
- “Auditions are nerve-wracking. You have to show up and pretend you’re not sweating bullets.”
- “You ever get paparazzi taking your picture, and you’re like, ‘Really, right now? I’m just grabbing a coffee.'”
- “Movie premieres are fancy. You dress up, smile for the cameras, and hope you don’t trip on the red carpet.”
- “Being famous has its perks, but nobody tells you about the awkward fan encounters. You’re just trying to eat, and they want a full-blown conversation.”
- “Rehearsals are funny. You see actors practicing their lines and making funny faces. It’s like a blooper reel in real-time.”
- “Hollywood diets are crazy. Everyone’s on some new fad; you just want a burger and fries.”
- “You ever notice how movie trailers show all the good parts? Makes you wonder if there’s anything left to watch.”
One of the funniest anecdotes Lawrence shares is about the red carpet events.
He joked, “You spend hours getting ready, only for someone to step on your gown. They smile and say, ‘Sorry,’ while you’re crying inside.”
This joke perfectly encapsulates the glamorous yet challenging life in Hollywood, making it a hit with audiences.
If you love jokes about the entertainment industry, you might also find some funny food jokes to tickle your funny bone.
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Everyday Situations: Hilarity in the Mundane Moments
Martin Lawrence has a special talent for finding humor in the everyday moments that we all experience.
Even the most mundane situations are fair game for his sharp wit.
- “You ever talk to someone who doesn’t know what personal space is? They all up in your face, and you’re just trying to lean back discreetly.”
- “Public transportation is an adventure. You meet the most interesting people, and by interesting, I mean you hope they don’t sit next to you.”
- “Cooking at home is great until you realize you have to clean up afterward. It’s a scam, I tell you.”
- “You ever notice how your favorite shirt always happens to be in the laundry? It’s like it knows.”
- “Online shopping is a gamble. You’re either getting what you ordered or something that looks like it belongs in a dollhouse.”
- “Elevator rides are awkward. You either stare at your shoes or the ceiling, hoping the ride ends quickly.”
- “You ever have one of those days where everything goes wrong, and then something else goes wrong just to top it off?”
- “Watching TV with friends is funny. Everyone becomes a critic. ‘Why did they do that? I would have done it differently!'”
One of his best jokes about everyday situations comes from his take on public transportation.
He jokes, “Riding the bus is like a box of chocolates. You never know who you’re gonna sit next to, but you always hope they’re normal!”
This joke resonates because it’s a shared experience many people find themselves in.
For more laughter extracted from the ordinary, you might enjoy a compilation of hilarious science jokes that bring humor to everyday concepts.
Timeless Humor: Jokes that Stand the Test of Time
Some of Martin Lawrence’s jokes are so well-crafted that they remain funny no matter how much time passes.
These timeless pieces continue to be a hit with audiences of all ages.
- “You ever notice how when you argue with someone, they always remember things you don’t? It’s like they got a notepad just for that.”
- “Fast food drive-thrus are a test of patience. You say no onions, and guess what? You get extra onions.”
- “You ever go to a wedding and just wait for the food? You’ll sit through speeches and dances, just give me the cake already!”
- “People with large dogs think they’re harmless. Your dog looks like it can tackle a bench press, and you want me to pet it?”
- “You ever try to leave a party, and every exit leads to another conversation? It’s like a maze of small talk.”
- “When you pay with cash and wait for your change, you feel like you’re back in elementary school counting pennies.”
- “You ever try to use a self-checkout and end up needing assistance anyway? It’s supposed to be convenient, but you need a degree to operate it.”
- “Vacation planning is stressful. You look forward to it all year, then spend the whole trip arguing about where to eat.”
One of Lawrence’s timeless jokes is about arguing with someone who always remembers things you don’t.
He quips, “They’ll be like, ‘Remember in 2005 when you didn’t take out the trash?’ Man, how do you keep track of this stuff?”
This joke is both funny and relatable, as it captures the essence of long-term relationships and their quirks.
If you’re a fan of jokes that remain relevant over the years, you might also appreciate these classic jokes that never go out of style.
Family Comedic Moments: Jokes About Relatives
Martin Lawrence has crafted numerous jokes about families that highlight the hilarity in familial relationships.
Whether it’s about parents, siblings, or kids, his jokes resonate with everyone who has a family.
- “You ever try to explain technology to your parents? It’s like trying to teach a fish how to climb a tree.”
- “Family gatherings are funny. You love these people, but after an hour, you’re ready for a break.”
- “Siblings are like built-in best friends and worst enemies. One minute you’re laughing, the next you’re wrestling.”
- “Going on a road trip with family? Just accept that it’s about to turn into a reality show.”
- “You ever have your kids ‘help’ with cooking? They make a bigger mess than the meal itself.”
- “My mom used to say, ‘I brought you into this world, I’ll take you out.’ Terrifying then, hilarious now!”
- “Uncles at family parties are the best. They’re always the first on the dance floor and the last to leave.”
- “You ever have your kid cry for food, and when you give it to them, they change their mind? Kids are tiny but big on drama.”
One of his funniest family-related jokes is about explaining technology to parents.
He says, “You show your mom how to use her smartphone, and five minutes later, she’s on the house phone asking for help.”
This joke hits home for anyone who has tried to bridge the generational tech gap.
If you enjoy jokes about family dynamics, there’s a whole collection of sports jokes that families can relate to.
Funny Observations on Modern Life
Martin Lawrence has a keen eye for the absurdities of modern life, making his comedy fresh and relevant.
Here’s a collection of his jokes that poke fun at the quirks of today’s world.
- “You ever try explaining TikTok to someone over 40? It’s like two different worlds trying to communicate.”
- “Online dating is weird. You’re like a product on Amazon; everyone’s reading your reviews.”
- “Mobile games are addictive. You start with a five-minute break and end up losing an entire afternoon.”
- “Smart home gadgets sound cool until they start acting up. ‘Alexa, turn on the lights.’… No, wait, come back!”
- “You ever join a video call and realize you’re the only one who dressed up? Everyone else looks like they rolled out of bed.”
- “Subscription services are tricky. You think you’re spending $10 a month, and suddenly you need a financial advisor.”
- “Streaming services have so many options, you spend more time deciding what to watch than actually watching.”
- “Social media trends are baffling. By the time you understand one, there’s another one you have to catch up on.”
One of the standout jokes about modern life involves online dating.
Lawrence jokes, “Online dating profiles are hilarious. Everyone’s trying to sound perfect, but we all know perfection doesn’t exist.”
This joke reflects the often superficial nature of online dating.
If you’re into jokes that explore modern life, you might also enjoy a collection of punny music jokes that touch on today’s trends.
Laughing at Our Own Expense: Self-Deprecating Humor
One of Martin Lawrence’s strongest suits is his ability to laugh at himself.
This self-deprecating humor is not only endearing but also incredibly relatable.
- “I remember my first time on stage. I was more nervous than a fish out of water. My jokes were flopping harder than me.”
- “As a parent, you think you got all the answers till your kid asks, ‘Why is the sky blue?’ Then you’re like, ‘Um, Google it!’
- “I tried cooking, once. Let’s just say the fire department knew me by name afterward.”
- “You ever join a fitness class and realize you’re way out of your league? Yeah, that was me, in Zumba.”
- “I get why people use GPS. I get lost in my own neighborhood. Directions? Forget it, I’m pulling out the map.”
- “Growing up, I wanted to be an astronaut. Then I failed science. Dreams crushed.”
- “You ever look at old pictures of yourself and think, ‘Who let me out of the house dressed like that?’”
- “I once thought about being a gym instructor. Then I tried a pull-up, and that dream quickly died.”
One of his best self-deprecating jokes involves his first experience on stage.
He quips, “I was so nervous, I forgot my own name. The crowd must have thought I was auditioning for clown school.”
Jokes like these make Lawrence relatable and human in the eyes of his audience.
If self-deprecating humor is your thing, you might also appreciate this list of travel jokes that make fun of our globe-trotting mishaps.
Concluding Remarks: The Legacy of Martin Lawrence’s Comedy
Martin Lawrence has a knack for finding humor in every corner of life, making him a true comedic genius.
From his early days to his prime and beyond, his jokes have brought smiles to countless faces.
His ability to weave everyday experiences, social issues, and even self-deprecation into his comedy is a testament to his versatility.
If you’re looking to relive some of his best moments, there is no shortage of products on Amazon that will let you dive deep into his unique comedic style.
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Avery Ingram
Contributor