Steve Martin’s Funniest Comedy Jokes
Updated July 20, 2024 at 4:53 pm
Explore the hilarious world of Steve Martin’s comedy as we dive into his most unforgettable jokes that have left audiences in stitches for decades.

The Early Days of Steve Martin’s Comedy
During the 1970s, Steve Martin emerged as a groundbreaking stand-up comedian. His unique style and absurdist humor set him apart from his contemporaries.
One of his most iconic jokes from this period goes like this: “I believe in equality for everyone, except reporters and photographers.”
This joke showcases Steve’s ability to poke fun at societal norms while remaining light-hearted and humorous.
Another unforgettable joke: “A day without sunshine is like, you know, night.”
The simplicity and absurdity of this statement highlight Steve’s wit and clever play on words.
Steve Martin’s catchphrases became an integral part of his routines: “Well, excuuuse me!” This phrase generated roars of laughter and became synonymous with his comedy style.
Adding to his list of classics: “I got gas money today, so I’m going to light matches in the car all the way home!”
Steve had a knack for blending the ordinary with the bizarre, creating a comedic experience that was both unexpected and hilarious.
Another classic example: “I like a woman with a head on her shoulders. I hate necks.”
Such jokes underline Steve’s skill at blending visual humor with a touch of absurdity, making his performances unforgettable.
Steve Martin’s Movie Roles
In addition to his stand-up career, Steve Martin transitioned seamlessly into movies, where his humor continued to shine. One of his best-known films is “The Jerk.”
In this film, Steve delivers the memorable line: “I was born a poor black child.” This line opens the movie and immediately sets the tone for its absurdity and humor.
Another classic: “I’m picking out a thermos for you. Not an ordinary thermos for you. But the extra-best thermos you can buy… with vinyl and stripes and a cup built right in.”
Steve’s ability to take seemingly mundane objects and infuse them with humor is evident in lines like these.
The film’s absurdity continues with: “He hates these cans! Stay away from the cans!”
This joke is a perfect example of how Steve uses physical comedy to create hilarious situations.
In “Planes, Trains & Automobiles,” Steve Martin continued to deliver comedic gold. One unforgettable rant: “You’re going the wrong way! How do they know which way we’re going? Yeah, how do they know? They’re drunk. How would they know where we’re going?”
Steve excels at creating moments of confusion that are both hilarious and relatable.
Another classic instance: “My dogs are barking today.” This simple line resonates with anyone who’s had sore feet, turning a common experience into a moment of shared laughter.
Steve’s humor often includes an element of self-deprecation: “I used to be disgusted, but now I try to be amused.” This line captures his ability to find humor in even the most frustrating situations.
Steve Martin’s Physical Comedy
Steve Martin is not just known for his witty one-liners; his physical comedy is equally iconic. His unique approach to physical comedy can be seen in many of his routines and films.
One classic example: “I’d like to do something right now that’s never been done before: I’d like to throw up.”
Steve’s ability to deliver such lines with perfect timing is what makes them so memorable and funny.
Another gem from his stand-up days: “Let’s get small.” This phrase became a catchphrase, showcasing his ability to use simple language to create a humorous image.
During his performances, Steve often included exaggerated movements and gestures. One memorable moment: “First, the doctor told me the good news: I was going to have a disease named after me.”
Steve’s blend of physical comedy and witty lines makes for a comedic experience that’s both visual and intellectual.
He also used props and visual aids to enhance his humor. An example: “I like to reminisce with people I don’t know.”
Such jokes highlight Steve’s ability to integrate physicality with humor, creating a dynamic and engaging performance.
Steve Martin often used musical instruments in his comedy. One famous bit: “You know what? I think it’s about time we had a sing-a-long” before breaking into a ridiculous song.
This mixture of music and comedy became a trademark of his performances, adding another layer of entertainment for his audience.
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Memorable Quotes from “Roxanne”
Steve Martin’s comedy brilliance continued to shine in the movie “Roxanne,” where he played the lovable and witty character C.D. Bales. One of the most memorable lines from this film: “I would rather be with the people of this town than with the finest people in the world.” This showcases his talent for turning heartfelt moments into comedic gems.
Another unforgettable joke from “Roxanne” is: “I have a big nose. I can be honest about that. But the guy who called me Big Nose? He knows who he is. Yeah, that’s right. It was me.”
Steve’s knack for self-deprecating humor while simultaneously owning his quirks is what makes this line a standout.
A classic from the same movie: “Tell you what. I’ll come down to your high school and get naked. Anybody laughs, gets their head busted.” This showcases Steve’s blend of bold humor with a touch of absurdity.
Steve Martin’s ability to use wit and physical comedy together can be seen in: “I bet if you stood up real fast, you could catch your farts in tupperware and sell them at a flea market.”
His knack for blending everyday objects with his humor makes this line particularly hilarious.
Iconic Lines from “Father of the Bride”
In the beloved movie “Father of the Bride,” Steve Martin perfectly captures the essence of a loving father caught in the whirlwind of wedding preparations. One of his iconic lines is: “I knew I’d never be able to remember what Nina wore that day. But she’ll certainly remember what I swore that day.”
This quote encapsulates Steve’s ability to find humor in the chaos of life’s big moments.
Another classic line from the film: “George Banks is saying no! No! That’s it! George Banks is selling his house! Look at this house! It’s filled with memories!”
Steve uses his comedic timing to highlight the sentimental struggle with a humorous twist.
The film is another example of Martin’s skill at turning a mundane situation into comedic gold: “When I started out as a kid, my mom used to sew my pants on me. God, I felt like an idiot.”
Such jokes bring out the everyday humor of family life that resonates with everyone.
Steve Martin’s Collaborations with Martin Short
Steve Martin has an impressive body of work with Martin Short, bringing together two comedic geniuses. One of their most memorable exchanges: “Two wild and crazy guys!” This catchphrase from their SNL skits became a cultural phenomenon.
Another iconic line from their collaborations is: “Hello, I’m Steve Martin, and I’m Martin Short. And together we are…two very different people who shouldn’t be hanging out.”
Their chemistry and comedic timing make every performance a joy to watch.
One of the funniest moments between the duo: “When our great-grandmother first named us, we were known as Martin squared. Not because of our last names, but because we were both idiots.”
These jokes showcase Steve Martin’s ability to play off another comedian, adding depth to his humor.
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Steve Martin’s Stand-Up Specials
Steve Martin’s stand-up specials are a goldmine of comedy, filled with timeless jokes and memorable moments. One of his classic jokes: “Banjo is such an innocent instrument. No one ever got accused of having a banjo hidden under their coat.”
This joke perfectly captures his unique blend of musical talent and humor.
Another joke from his stand-up days: “I got a new dog. It’s a paranoid retriever. He brings back everything because he’s not sure what I threw.”
The humor here not only showcases his love for pets but also his ability to create imagery with words.
A memorable one-liner: “I’m on the road a lot. It’s hard to stay sexual.”
His stand-up routines often included such quick, witty jokes that left audiences in stitches.
Another gem: “I watched a dog chase his tail for ten minutes. And I thought, ‘Wow, dogs are easily entertained.’ Then I realized I was watching the dog chase his tail for ten minutes.”
This joke highlights Steve’s skill at using observational humor to connect with his audience.
Steve’s stand-up includes observational humor that anyone can relate to: “You see, it’s because they’re, well, y’know, they just, it’s like, yeah.”
Steve Martin is a master at delivering jokes that make you think and laugh simultaneously.
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Steve Martin’s Comedy Albums
Steve Martin has also made a mark with his comedy albums, which are filled with his trademark humor and wit. One of the most famous lines from his album “A Wild and Crazy Guy”: “I think I did pretty well, considering I started out with nothing but a bunch of blank paper.”
This line is a classic example of Steve’s self-deprecating humor.
Another joke from the same album: “You know, a lot of people come to me and say, ‘Steve, how can you be so funny?’ And I tell them, ‘It’s a natural gift. Also, a lot of people don’t come to me and say, Steve, how can you be so funny?’”
Steve’s playful approach to his own success is part of what makes his comedy so relatable.
A memorable moment: “Comedy is the art of making people laugh without making them puke.”
This joke showcases Steve’s ability to blend humor with just the right amount of edge.
Steve often included musical elements in his albums: “You just can’t play a sad song on the banjo.”
Such jokes highlight his unique approach to comedy, combining music and humor in a delightful package.
Another classic line: “I walk up to a woman, and I say, ‘You remind me of somebody I know,’ then I leave.”
Steve’s albums are filled with such relatable and hilarious moments.
Steve Martin’s Impact on Modern Comedy
Steve Martin’s influence on modern comedy is undeniable. He has inspired countless comedians with his unique blend of absurdity and intellectual humor. One of his most quoted lines: “I believe that Ronald Reagan can make this country what it once was… a large Arctic region covered with ice.”
This joke showcases his ability to blend satire with absurdity, making it both funny and thought-provoking.
Another impactful quote: “I think the world needs laughter. Without laughter, the world would be a really boring place.”
Such lines underline Steve’s belief in the power of humor to uplift and connect people.
A classic from his repertoire: “Some people have a way with words, and other people…oh, uh, not have way.”
This joke highlights his unique take on language and his ability to find humor in everyday communication.
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Steve Martin’s jokes continue to be a source of inspiration for comedians and a source of joy for audiences worldwide.
Timeless Jokes from “The Three Amigos”
In the comedy classic “The Three Amigos,” Steve Martin, alongside Chevy Chase and Martin Short, delivers an array of unforgettable jokes and lines. One standout moment is when he says, “Do you have anything here besides Mexican food?”
The humor in this line comes from the absurdity of asking for non-Mexican food in a traditional Mexican village.
Another hilarious line from the movie: “It’s a sweater!” This quote encapsulates Steve Martin’s talent for making even the simplest moments outrageously funny.
His unique style shines through in: “In a way, all of the Three Amigos are like children…they need to be looked after.”
Steve’s comedic timing and delivery in “The Three Amigos” make every line memorable.
A classic Martin Short and Steve Martin exchange: “I’ll fill you so full of lead, you’ll be using your dick for a pencil!” followed by, “What do we do? We ride like the wind… on Mexican thoroughbred horses.”
These jokes are timeless and continue to entertain audiences of all ages.
Steve Martin’s Unique Approach to Comedy
Steve Martin’s comedy is characterized by his ability to mix the absurd with the relatable. One of his classic lines: “You can be a millionaire… and never pay taxes! You say, Steve, how can I be a millionaire and never pay taxes? First… get a million dollars.”
This line is a perfect example of his blend of wit and absurdity.
Another joke that showcases his unique style: “Boy, those French! They have a different word for everything.”
Steve’s ability to find humor in different cultures is both insightful and hilarious.
A memorable one-liner: “I like a woman with a head on her shoulders. I hate necks.”
Steve expertly uses wordplay to create jokes that are both funny and thought-provoking.
One of his classics: “I believe in making the world safe for our children, but not our children’s children, because I don’t think children should be having sex.”
Such jokes highlight his unique approach to tackling controversial topics with humor.
Steve Martin’s Iconic Television Appearances
Steve Martin has graced television screens with his wit and charm on numerous occasions. One of his most memorable appearances was on Saturday Night Live (SNL), where he performed the iconic “King Tut” skit.
The line “He gave his life for tourism” perfectly encapsulates the absurd humor of the sketch.
Another classic moment from SNL: “We’re two wild and crazy guys!” This catchphrase, along with his energetic performance, made the skit a beloved part of SNL history.
In a memorable hosted monologue, Steve said: “I think I did pretty well considering I started out with nothing but a bunch of blank paper.”
Steve’s ability to turn personal experiences into comedic gold is a hallmark of his television career.
Another legendary line: “I walked into the room and sat down at the table. In that split second, I had to decide whether to be funny or serious. I chose to be funny.”
Such moments highlight Steve’s seamless blend of humor and sincerity.
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Legacy of “Dirty Rotten Scoundrels”
In the comedy film “Dirty Rotten Scoundrels,” Steve Martin plays a con artist alongside Michael Caine. One unforgettable line from the movie: “Excuse me. May I go to the bathroom first?” after which he proceeds to mock disability etiquette.
The humor here comes from Steve’s ability to play with societal expectations.
Another hilarious moment: “Do you have any idea what it feels like to be me? (in falsetto) No.” The deadpan delivery adds to the comedic effect.
A memorable interaction: “Oklahoma Oklahoma Oklahoma!” This frantic line showcases Steve’s ability to infuse energy into his comedy.
In “Dirty Rotten Scoundrels,” Steve Martin’s performance is both hilarious and masterfully executed.
From slapstick comedy to witty one-liners, this film is a testament to Steve’s versatility as a comedian.
Steve Martin’s Awards and Recognitions
Steve Martin’s contributions to comedy have earned him numerous awards and recognitions. One of his most notable achievements is his multiple Emmy Awards for his television work.
In his acceptance speech for one of these awards, he humorously stated: “I guess the old cliché is true: it’s an honor just to be nominated. But it’s a real thrill to win.”
Steve Martin has also been honored with the Mark Twain Prize for American Humor, where he quipped: “To receive this award was a complete surprise, and yet, no surprise at all.”
His candid and humorous approach to receiving accolades endears him further to his fans.
Another notable recognition was his induction into the American Academy of Arts and Sciences, where he joked: “I never imagined my career would be mentioned in the same breath as ‘Arts’ and ‘Sciences’.”
These awards highlight not only his talent but also his lasting impact on the world of comedy.

Avery Ingram
Contributor